MOMMY.CARDS
Who needs Bali? My silent retreats are on the toilet
Silence is suspicious
You're the reason I drink
Calm down, mommy just needs to go pee
Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Mommy?
Hungry? Again? I just fed you!
Mooooo
Don't call me unless someone's bleeding
Awake past 9pm? Wild night!
Spa day? How about a spa month?
Moms are like buttons, they hold everything together
Chasing tiny humans is my cardio
9 months of pregnancy, but sure, they look like daddy
I wish kids came with snooze buttons
Motherhood: powered by love, fueled by coffee
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